The Pumpkin Spice of Life
(Originally written for print edition of Quench 18/11/20)
Let me set the scene it’s the middle of September and my friend and I approach the window of the Starbucks drive thru, when all of a sudden, she lets out a scream. Panicked I obviously ask what’s wrong and whether everything is alright. To which she replied after seeing a notice in the window, “Indi, the pumpkin spiced lattes are coming out in 10 days!”. Everything was not alright, as a sense of anger rushed over me and the thought of being overwhelmed by the smell of cinnamon from now until January became increasingly apparent. Pumpkin spiced season was approaching, and frankly I had no way of escaping it!
I have always considered myself rather basic. I enjoy basic television shows like Pretty Little Liars and Gossip Girl, I’ve always had a crush on Zac Efron, I carry a tube of Carmex everywhere with me, I think listening to Indie music makes me unique and I love an iced drink from Starbucks as much as the next basic bitch from this generation. This overrated beverage is used to define the stereotypical fiat 500 girl, who lives in leggings, baggy jumpers and Ugg boots and pumpkin spiced lattes pump through their veins. It screams 2013 tumblr and pinterest boards, and personally I thought we were passed that. But one thing I pride myself on is the fact that I am not basic enough to like pumpkin spiced lattes! I love all the usual things that go hand in hand with Autumn, the pumpkin carving for Halloween, the big woolly jumpers and the nights in watching a film sipping on warm drinks, so you’d think I’d be a fan of the one thing that marks the beginning of the Autumnal season.
One thing I have failed to mention thus far, is that I have never tried a pumpkin spiced latte. I know I can’t really comment and rant about a drink I have never tried, but it contains my worst nightmare- cinnamon. I find the smell and taste of cinnamon so physically repulsive that I almost have a sixth sense for it at this point, where I can point it out in almost anything no matter how much or how little it contains. As soon as Summer ends and Autumn begins stores are flooded with cinnamon scented things, including the bane of my life the cinnamon scented candle. Having said that, anything labelled “spiced” is often riddled within cinnamon, and therefore automatically put in my bad books. My intolerance for the spice is so bad that I usually tell people I’m allergic just to ensure anything I eat will not contain it, and that still doesn’t always work!
You are probably thinking to yourself, “wow what has she got against cinnamon? She feels awfully passionate about something she has never tried” to which you are correct. But I don’t understand why it is so popular, I believe it is completely overrated especially in comparison to other hot beverages. For example, there is nothing better than a hot chocolate during the Autumn/Winter months. In the UK we idolise a good cup of tea, and normally believe there is nothing better, but for these seasons we almost Americanise our taste buds through welcoming the flavours of Thanksgiving, and through doing so also welcome the pumpkin spiced latte. There are many better items that we could adapt and take away from American thanksgiving traditions, including candied yams, which personally I have always liked the idea of. I would suggest pumpkin pie, but you just know that it will have ridiculous amounts of cinnamon in and that will be another thing crossed off my list. What is it with the Americans and adding copious amounts of cinnamon in everything?!
I’d love to say that this is the end of my pumpkin spiced rant for this year, but you and I both know that this isn’t the case. I will not stop until cinnamon scented candles are banished everywhere, including my home where my parents enjoy burning them to torture me a little. I will not stop until cinnamon is removed from my favourite foods, so I can yet again enjoy the comforts of an apple pie without feeling sick at the smell or taste of that devilish spice. I will not stop until the world is free from the clutches of the one thing that ruins the Autumn and Winter period. Let’s rid of the pumpkin spiced latte before basic bitches take over the world, or worse before they make this vile beverage available year-round! Put it this way, 2020 has been a pretty bad year worldwide, but as pumpkin spiced season approaches the worst is yet to come.
